Baby J is growing Fast

I can't even begin to explain how blessed I am by this little girl, Baby J.  She is now 2yrs & 5months and everyday is a surprise.  I am amazed at how much she is growing up.  I don't think she feels that she is learning fast enough and constantly asks "what is that?" and rarely does she ask twice about the same thing.  She loves to learn.   She is back to loving books and even sleeps with them.  I'm always impressed how quickly she remembers much of a book and I can now often find her reading on her own.  I love that.  There are many things that haven't changed much- she still enjoys the water and is now even able to swim a few feet on her own.  She spends more time under water than above.  Still talking in complete sentences---but now she always does and is starting to talk to others.  My favorite is when she gives me random hugs and tells me she loves me.   Today she started using You're welcome which surprised me...though I don't know why it did.

Baby J is still the most polite 2yr old I've ever met.  She uses thank you and please constantly and asks for help.  It's so cute to hear "please help me"  Every day she asks about horses and riding them- I wish there were more opportunities for her to ride, but she is still to young
Currently one of her favorite activities is looking at pictures, especially on my phone and of her.  Everyday she points out the people in the pictures on our wall.  Especially the tiny tiny baby pictures of her.  She is also singing on her own more-her most popular choice being 5 little monkeys jumping on the bed.  Most of the time she tells me when I sing "No momma, no sing"  Apparently I'm just not up to her standards.  
Rehearsals have become easier and most of the time she does well at them up till the end.   I feel so bad because I know she is up later than she should be, but it's my job.  She is playing and talking to the kids more this year than before--and I think may

talk to them more than she does at daycare.   Now she even asks if
we are going to rehearsal.  Though she climbs on everything when there.  This child has no fear.  Funny enough our early childhood person noted her safety awareness is low...I laughed.   Yes she is 2, but she doesn't have any fear which at times does worry me.
Daycare has gotten easier too.  She has even moved up a classroom, though I think she misses her friends in the other class (which she still spends some time in).  We no longer have tantrums when she is dropped off or picked up.  She loves going to her class and playing with her friends.   In the past couple months she has finally started to talk at daycare too.  About a month ago, one of the afternoon teachers said J stated "mommy is at work and will be back to get me" and that it was the first time she'd heard such a long sentence from her...which I found weird since I hear them all the time.  I'm glad she is finally starting to feel comfortable enough to talk there.

It's not always peachy, she is 2 and can throw quite the tantrum---especially when she is tired or not getting her way, or someone looked at her wrong.   Those moments I can do without, but they are part of her learning to express herself and usually we can get them under control when she is reminded to communicate===we have less tantrums now that she communicates so well.   Baby J is no longer clingy all the time and while she gets that way as bedtime approaches, I can now do things without her attached to me...in fact tonight for the first time ever---I could freely move around the auditorium and theatre areas while she watched a video.  Her favorite place is still next to me and touching me, but it's not always a have to be there.  She can be quite bossy which I find funny---though it's pretty polite when she is.   She likes to yell at the kids after me.   Thankfully they find it funny too.  I know they wish she would interact with them more.
I'm so lucky that she is doing so well and is such an awesome kid.  Yes there are moments where I go insane like any parent, but I am soooooo very blessed.  i have the most adorable baby girl ever and she is worth every tough day where i wonder if we will survive financially, mentally, and sometimes physically.   I wouldn't trade my moments with her for anything.   I'm so excited each day to find the ways she has grown that day, and it always amazes me.

  

The Best Thing in the World

I can't even begin to describe how lucky and blessed I am.   There is a lot wrong with my life currently, but adopting that little girl was the best gift ever (even if it's driving us to the poor house)  Baby J is now 27.5 months and the growth I've seen in her the past couple weeks has been amazing.  Last week she finally stopped crying at daycare when I drop her off.  She still has to be handed to someone, but she now tells me bye and knows "mommy go to work" and "mommy be back in a minute."

Not only can I drop her off there with a little more piece of mind, but she
has started to talk at daycare.  Despite the fact that she talks nonstop at home, she wasn't really talking at daycare and now they are being blown away by her vocabulary.  And she's starting to finally remember some names from there.   She is also doing so well at rehearsals.  She plays with the high school kids, actually will let them hold her, and has even let me leave the room.   And she talks a lot to them.   There are moments still where she is hanging on me and refuses to get off, but I finally can do a few things without her hanging on me.    Every day when we leave she kisses the dog goodbye and when we get home she hugs and kisses the cat.  It's so cute.

Baby J mostly dresses herself now and refuses to let me help with her shoes.  She uses the potty and mostly stays dry (but still doesn't know when she is going poo).   And while we still have tantrums and fits, they are becoming farther and fewer in between and because she is using her words better, I almost always know exactly why she is upset....usually something like she lost her piece of tape.   Her early childhood appointments are going well and the lady even said she is ahead in her independence.   She is still standing on tippy toes a lot and that one leg crosses in.

It is so much fun to see her start to really pretend play and to love on our
 animals.  The cat finally stays out almost all the time and even beats up on the dogs sometimes.   She has started to pretend play more with her baby, read books aloud to herself, and has imaginary animals in the house ---mostly a lion that she so badly wants to pet.  She is very consistent on that--wants to pet a lion, wants to ride a horse.   She now will swim a few feet on her own and she climbs on everything...and out of everything.  That girl can not be contained.

The last couple of weeks have been so busy with the show starting and school and other things, but Baby J is handling it like a champ.  I know she is tired and I was sooooooooo happy to be home tonight and sent her off to bed early.   While most nights have now become a constant stall to go to sleep, tonight she went right to bed.   She is the queen of staying awake --mostly now using hugs and kisses and "I love you mommy" to stay awake longer.  

Every day I'm still blown away by the words she is using--mainly because she now uses them in conversations.   We have had our first big argument--she wanted to go to the football game, I needed to go to rehearsal.  lol. She copies books like crazy.   For a few weeks we weren't getting in books like we had been and I noticed that it affected her behavior.  When we read books regularly she behaves better and there are less tantrums.   So we now regularly go to the local library and get new books to read and make it a point to sit down and read them.  

While I did basically reach the goal of no tv till 2, I was trying to hard to continue that.   And I thought I wouldn't buy electronics for her, but at rehearsal I so badly need her to be occupied and she was going to break my school computer...so I got a little dvd player and she can now watch dvds there at school.  Thankfully she doesn't really care to watch for very long.  Every once in a while we watch a movie, but she doesn't really watch to much and the nights we have rehearsals that is the only place she watches.  So while I feel  bad she is watching more, I know she isn't getting very much and it's very limited on what she can watch----mostly educational.

I wish we were more financially stable (her adoption really put me VERY far in debt and I can't seem to get out of it-so buy YL essential oils from me or have a party---cause I have no time to get another job), I'm so happy I get to spend time with her and watch her grow. She amazes me everyday and watching how quickly she learns is spectacular.   She is so smart and loving and fun.   She is the most polite 2 year old I've ever known, saying thank you to everything, even when she is upset.  Today  I heard her say god bless you a bunch.   The best feeling though is the moments when she randomly says Josie happy or I love you mommy.   I hope I can continue to be the mother she deserves cause that little girl is a miracle that deserves the world.

End of Summer!

Today marks 2yrs 2months old for Baby J.  I can't believe how quickly she is growing up.  Our summer came to an end today when I dropped Baby J off at daycare.  It was rough and she screamed and cried even though she was excited to go.  

This summer Baby J has improved on her swimming skills and can almost swim completely on her own.  She spends more time under the water than above and I love being at the pool with her.  It is true happiness that you see her in while there.   This girl loves water.

She now talks in complete sentences and some paragraphs.  She is quite demanding in everything that she does and lets you know what she wants.  She also still copies everything I say...There is nothing like having a toddler to make you see how you talk and act.  

This summer we have spent lots of time swimming, at the
zoo, and time with family and friends.     We have also spent lots of time with our cousins and playing with their kitty cats and finding opportunities to play with kitties and puppies.  Baby J really really likes animals.   She loves on our puppies like crazy even when they don't want to be loved on.   Which is how we ended up with a beautiful 3 month old kitten this past weekend.   And while she is not liking the puppies yet, she loves Baby J.

 We reenrolled in Rainbows (early childhood) to have Baby J's legs evaluated.  They cross a lot when she walks.   Since we got back in we  are also working on her over attachment to me and some behavior issues.  She tends to throw things when she gets mad and has extreme tantrums ( more than a two year old should.).  Sometimes she reminds me of a foster kid I had.   

Everyday Baby J amazes and amuses me.   She is learning so fast and cracks me up.  She now can sort of dress herself and has decided to potty train herself.  Still loves to sing and dance to music.   She definitely has a strong personality and I'm so lucky to be her mom.  I sure wish end of summer didn't mean less time with her.   :-)

Our Preemie story/Happy 2nd birthday Baby J.

Sorry Blogger no longer lets me add pictures.  :-(

Just a little over two years ago, an event that changed my life occurred (though I didn't know it for another week).   A tiny 27 week gestation baby was born at 1 lb 14.7 oz in the middle of the night, flown to a bigger hospital, and saved by an awesome staff.  A week later I met my daughter, the best thing ever.
I've spent a lot of the last week looking at my blog, our baby book, and thinking about our preemie experience.   I am on a lot of Facebook pages for micro preemies and it amazes me how different each story is and how very very blessed I am.   It's actually quite amazing that my daughter has survived to toddler hood and I know most preemie parents and probably doctors would be appalled at our life.  Our story is very much different than most others.
I heard about Baby J several days before they knew for sure she would be up for adoption- an email requesting prayers had been sent out.  I knew I was at the top of the list and would be asked if I was interested.  I spent a lot of time researching that week and figuring out what I would say if they asked.   I never wanted to put a sick child purposely in my care if we knew ahead of time since I'm single and I have a crazy schedule.   But everything felt right about saying yes to this baby girl and a few days later I was told we were matched.  As Baby J turned 9 days old I met her.   She was extremely sick and suffered from pulmonary bleeds, brain bleeds, collapsed lungs, PDA, sugar imbalances and many other things.   But the moment I walked in and saw this moving tiny baby and touched her tiny little hand, we knew we were meant to be together.   She had been alone for a week, but you could tell she knew I was there for her.  While improvement took a really long time, she never got worse from that moment on.
I was lucky because I wasn't the new mother who had suddenly gave birth to an unexpected preemie or suffered from exhaustion from the birth.   I was on summer break and knew what I was getting into.  I think that made a huge difference in the entire experience.   At one point I truly though I was there to help her move on, but because I wasn't the tired, exhausted new parent, I was able to handle that. (so glad that didn't happen).   I researched constantly and read a textbook the nurses gave me, so not much surprised me as we progressed, except how much of a fighter baby J was.   I was so blessed to be able to spend almost every day with her and towards the end, my aunt and mother stepped in when I couldn't be there so that Baby J wasn't alone.   I think this made such a huge difference in her health.
It's interesting to read about how different all the NICU's are around the world on Facebook.   We were at one of the best.   They had no cases of NEC so I didn't have to worry about that which was good, and while sometimes I was frustrated at the lack of things I could do or decisions that were made, they were always in the best interest of my child and had excellent reasoning behind them.   Baby J received the best care a baby could get at that hospital and because she started as one of the sickest babies, we never were moved out of her private room.   I was very happy about that.  And because we were there for awhile (79 days) and because she was alone the first week, she was loved by all the staff.  Baby J developed a strong personality almost right away and the nurses loved to interact with her.  While at the hospital Baby J suffered from PDA, pulmonary bleeds, grade 3 bilateral brain bleed as well as a grade 1 and 2, blood sugar issues, blood gas issues, collapsed lung, breathing issues, ROP stage 2, and lots of blood transfusions.  But when she came home, all of these were gone except the ROP which she was cleared from the following week.  She truly is a miracle baby  PS as a side note for all NICU parents- take lots of pictures, especially with something that shows size- because as they grow it's hard to believe they were ever that small.  I should also mention that the Ronald McDonald house was amazing- I stayed there for almost two months and they allowed my aunt and mother to use my room when I wasn't there.
I was so happy to bring her home and that's where our story really differs from most stories.   In fact the day she came home, I went to work, held auditions and then drove the 2.5 hrs to get her and brought her home late at night.   I went to work the next day because it was a new job- I'm so lucky my Mom could watch her the first year at home, but that's where our precautions stopped.   As a single mom who works 40 hours a week and then has evening commitments with my job almost every night, it wasn't possible for us to stay isolated.   Within the first week of being home, baby J had been to a family anniversary party and a baby shower for her and started attending rehearsals with me. By the time we had been home for the first couple of months, she had been out nearly every day, out of state twice, and exposed to the world.  She even saw her first shakespeare show (Hamlet) within the first month.   So yes it's amazing we survived.  I'm such a bad preemie mom.
While I did my best to shield her from illness as much as I could as  a single mom, Baby J did suffer lots of colds the first year and some bronchiolitis, but we never went back into the hospital and really while it sucked to have a sick baby- she was never extremely sick.
At first I felt like developmentally she wasn't progressing well- It is SO HARD to remember adjusted age when looking at development.  But in all honesty Baby J hit all milestones at the adjusted age- 3 months is just a big difference to wait for.  There were many things that seemed out of order or that she didn't seem to do that she should have, but by 9 months actual she was crawling and by 13 months actual she was walking well.  And at 15 months actual she was actually a little ahead developmentally and using a lot of words so she was deemed caught up and released from early childhood.
This year she's attended a real daycare and been diagnosed with Reactive air disorder- but again she hasn't been back to the hospital and the last few months she has actually been pretty well.  She also has some allergies, but overall is a pretty darn healthy little girl.
As she is entering age 2, she is the best part of my day and the happiest.   She now talks in sentences and talks ALL the time.  She is a fish in the water and is so close to swimming on her own.  She loves to sing songs and can do several toddler songs with actions.  Baby J is an animal lover and we spend lots of time at the zoo and she loves to hug and love on our two dogs.  She still climbs everything and freaks most people out- I've stopped even trying to make her stop.  We read and look at books constantly - in fact she has to have two to sleep with.  She knows some of her shapes, can identify most animals and honestly most objects.  She is still very attached to me and spends most of her time playing in my lap.   We are still working on her independence in public (as she tends to clam up and cling out and about)   Baby J can throw a tantrum like none other, but honestly unless she is tired she is happy and giggly most of the time.  I love watching her grow and learn each day- she is a sponge and learns so quickly.    She is such a hilarious little girl.
Today we went to her doctor and we are going to get reconnected to Early childhood- just to have her legs/feet evaluated.  She turns them in a lot and tends to trip over them, especially when running or moving fast.   She got some allergy medicine prescribed so helpfully she can breath better.   The doctor was very impressed with her and was very happy about how much she has grown.   Baby J's percentages are now compared to her actual age and she really falls on the charts quite well. Height 33.5 inches (39%)- up from 14.5 inches at birth.   Weight 24 lbs 4 oz (20%) up from 1 lb 14.7 oz at birth and her lowest weight of 1 lb 10oz.  Next week we go to our last NICU follow up.
We still don't know what the future holds as far as how her birth and first few months will affect her, but I truly believe she will excel and continue to do well.  We have been so blessed by so many people who have prayed for us and supported us.  I truly love my daughter and am so lucky to have her in my life.   If you are just starting your NICU journey- know that there is hope, even with health problems, amazing things are happening every day and many factors affect how your child will turn out.  This baby who couldn't breath, hold her own tempature and suffered brain and pulmonary bleeds is today a happy healthy 2 year old whom you would never guess was a preemie (in fact people are always so surprised to learn that).
Thank you to all who still pray and follow our journey.  I am so lucky and blessed.

Our last month as a 1year old.

I can't believe we are now in our last month as a 1 year old.  How is this possible?   Baby J is no longer a baby.   She is learning and growing each day.   This month she has become even braver at the pool and now is using arms and legs to 'swim' and jumping off the edge.  She dunks herself under and will be taking off soon.    She also learned to independently jump this month.  It's so cute because she randomly will bend down and jump.   We read books constantly....literally.   This girl LOVES books and I love that she loves them.  She talks constantly now and some of her sentences are even understandable now.   Of course her individual words are very understandable and she loves to point out what things are.
Baby J still really likes animals...all animals.  She got to ride a pony at the circus and she fell in love. Now she always talks about horses.   We go to the zoo often and she enjoys all of them.    In fact Saturday she got to play with very tiny baby goats and we spent a lot of time there.

Unfortunately we have hit a point where she now knows the tv is there and will ask to watch a movie.  She is starting to actually sit through a few.  I'm extremely picky about what she gets to watch though and how much.   If Baby J could be outside all the time she would.  It's been raining a lot though.  I'm not sure what we are going to do as the bugs get worse.    We've been so lucky because we haven't had to go back to the doctor since February for her....a few allergy moments, but nothing to severe.

We have been so blessed.   It's hard to believe that J started out as an under 2 lb baby.  She is still small, but smart and moving along really well.   Night time is still rough getting to sleep and sleeping all night and J can throw tantrums like no other.    She also gets some sensory issues, not surprising, but overall a wonderful happy almost 2year old.  And we only have 3 more weeks till summer!!! YEA!

Happy 22 Months!

Happy 22 Months Baby J --a few days late
Where is my baby girl going?   She is so much fun...well when she isn't throwing a tantrum.  She now copies the end of all my sentences, so I have a little echo all the time.  She is talking more and more independently and has started to interact so much more with the high school kids.   I'm sad I haven't see her much this week because it's show week, but I am so thankful for my family who take her during show week.  It's easier for me to direct and easier on Baby J.  She now doesn't always come to me immediately which is the biggest change.  Last week on my parents scale she weighed 23lbs so we have finally broken the 20lb mark and I think have stayed above it.  The other exciting thing is that we have not been back to the doctor since early
February.   She hasn't felt 100% all the time, but so far nothing that warrents a trip to the doctor...though I do know she has been suffering from allergies.  I really think the Young Living Essential Oils are making a difference in our household (feel free to ask about more information about those---as I'm finding all sorts of uses for them)  Oh and we now have 10 teeth and are moving up to 18 month clothing (So really anything new needs to be 2t)  12 month still fits, but it is getting short and a little harder to put some on--so I'm starting to pull it out.

We have gone to the zoo, a wedding, spent time with cousins, and had lots of fun in the past month.  She turned in a 100 book sheet to the library this weekend and got a bag and checked out her first library books.  She also started 'tumbling' and had her 2nd overnight away from me.  This time she stayed with my cousins.   Baby J now uses people's names more and interacts a lot better.  I'm pretty sure she has a crush on my cousin's husband...it's very hilarious.

Oh and we got her a new life jacket - it's thinner and more even all around--technically she shouldn't have it.....but she loves it and was almost swimming independently last time...she got mad when I took it off actually.  She is CRAZY in water.

While everything is not always peachy, overall I'm extremely blessed.  We have been dealing with more sensory issues and some real angry episodes that suddenly pop up...but  she is almost a two year old also.  Night time is still sometimes no fun either.  When she goes in for her two year old check up we will be discussing her foot again---it's starting to trip her a lot and perhaps the sensory issues and allergies.
I will be so happy when summer is here and I can spend more time with her.   I know there was more I was going to say...but I'm so tired....so enjoy the pictures.

 

Happy 21 Months, Baby J!!!

Each month seems to be flying by faster and faster.  I can't believe how fast Baby J is growing and learning.   Each day brings some new fun personality aspect.  
Finally after being given inhalers, we have been able to keep the sickness away better from Baby J.   We have not been to the doctor for illness since the beginning of February.  Hopefully this will continue.  We also went to the endocrinologist and she was diagnosed with benign premature puberty...Basically that means nothing is wrong with her as far as bigger breasts or currently hormones.

Over the past month we have been busy trying to get our vehicle running, going to rehearsals and enjoying the overly nice 'winter' weather.   We've had several trips to the zoo and also to go swimming at the Y.    Baby J loves to swim and is now jumping in some and going underwater on purpose (not just when Mom lets her go under).  I try to do something fun with her on the weekend since we are so busy during the week with my job.  
Baby J is getting more outgoing and is finally playing some nights with the high school students.   She is also starting to talk more at daycare and to family.  She loves to say bye to everyone and everything.  When she is comfortable and feeling well, she talks nonstop.   She is finally starting to get more teeth and I think finally starting to put on weight.   At the specialist a couple weeks ago she was back down to 19.5lbs.   We can't seem to stay above 20lbs.   However she eats constantly so I know she isn't starving.
Baby J loves to help and throws trash away, helps unload dishwasher, and closes doors.   She overall follows directions pretty well.  She loves reading books- especially Wheels on the Bus- which she can do all the actions too.  It is so cute.   She is singing more and more.  She has also started to get attached to certain toys/blankets.  Baby J learns very fast and is adding vocabulary so quickly.   She repeats most of what I say and can do so pretty well.   You can actually understand a lot of her jabber now.   She can not do an F sound though so frog is

"og" adn sometimes 'rog'.   There is one other letter she doesn't do well but I can't remember it.   She is so much fun watching in the tub too.  She practices her swimming and blowing bubbles.   Currently Baby J's favorite food is mexican.  Especially salsa.  I'm pretty sure she is ready to start potty training, but I'm really trying to push that off till summer.
It's hard to believe that she will be two soon.   I love having She does make going back to work in the evenings a little harder- even though she comes with me.   I'm glad she's starting to have fun some of the nights and not be so clingy.   I can't wait till summer when I have more time to spend with her.

Happy 20 Months Baby J

WOW! Yesterday Baby J turned 20 months, we are 4 months away from 2 years old.   Time goes so fast.
It has been a rough month and we have both been very ill.   I can't get over whatever I have and am on my second round of meds (which have helped some) and baby J is now on more meds.
This last week we went back to the doctor again and this time the doctor diagnosed her with Reactive Airway Disease, which basically is a general diagnosis.  She is now on an everyday steroid inhaler and has a rescue one of abuterall.  She also went back on a liquid steroid short term medicine.   FINALLY she is starting to improve.   I'm a little frustrated because the doctor never seems to really check her.  I'm pretty sure she actually had RSV, but her meds

are helping for now.   The everyday one she will use during the winter months.  I"m concerned that they already have her on this as a baby, especially since it will stunt her growth--but supposedly she will catch up later.   I'm also concerned that she hasn't gained weight which the doctor has not spoken about.  She is literally only 3 lbs heavier than she was at 11 months.  Today she went back to check iron levels which were ok today.  She has gained a pound in the last week---but she's also had more sugar than she's had the first part of her life this week.     I rarely let her have sugar yet.  We still have the hormone doctor visit in a couple weeks.  The medicine she is on now must be helpiing some as she is sleeping a little better at night---thank goodness.

In other news Baby J is doing pretty well.   She is adding to her vocabulary daily and goes around copying almost everything I say.  She has finally started to use words at daycare and at school with me.   In fact she has been interacting with my students more and more.   She climbs on everything and likes to make known what she wants.  She is now talking in complete sentences and telling stories---though I can't understand most of it.  Still loves to brush her 5 teeth and has gotten picky on what she will eat- though she usually eats something one day and not the next day.   She is still overly attached to me and that does cause challenges, but I'm sure she will eventually blossom into an overly outgoing child.  It always amazes me how nothing really scares her, but she can't tear herself away from me.

We have been out enjoying the weather some when we are both feeling up to it and have gone to the park with a friend, hit the library (we are trying to do the 1000 book challenge), and gone to the zoo.  Baby J loves the zoo and we spent almost half an hour with the goats last time.  She refused to leave.

The biggest accomplishment this last month is that we have been working on controlling anger and outbursts.   Baby J has crazy mood swings and she also can throw epic tantrums.   We have been working on asking "help, please" which is usually just 'please', but she does and it has cut down on tantrums immensely.  However we are now learning that saying 'please' does not alway mean you get your way which is such a hard lesson for baby girl and momma. This work has cut down on crying in the store as much which is nice.  She loves to buckle the seat belt, but can't undo it.  The other day she even waited to ask till I was done talking to someone.   It's the little things people.

This past month has been rough as a single mom.  Being sick

myself and her being sick has presented a lot of challenges.   Especially since I"m running out of days I can be off from work.   I've had a few moments of being overwhelmed but we made it through.     I have a great family that helps out, of course though everyone has been sick.   Today someone asked me a question about if I wanted more kids.  I know it's crazy to think maybe so.   I always go back an forth on whether it would be nice to have another.   I don't think being an only child will be such a bad thing, but at the same time i'm depriving baby J from having someone to fight and love with.   I also love kids, but they are also expensive.   I've had sets of two prior to this and unless they both can't walk, it's not a whole lot different with two than one.   Of course I couldn't ever adopt the way I did this last time, that was costly.  And it would make things tighter financially and maybe stupid as a single person, but honestly I wouldn't mind another someday.   And YES i know that is totally crazy.   Honestly I plan to go back into foster care, I'm just waiting a little longer before I do and considering financial items is really the only thing that would stop me from other kids, though I'm not sure that would.  :-)  I never intended to be a single mother or single period, but that is the way life has worked out--but I still deserve a family.

I'm so ready for the summer and all of us being better not to mention time to spend with baby J.  I hope in this roller coaster of weather changes everyone is staying well and healthy