Another year comes and goes..and still no kids or life..

I really haven't been updating this blog much, because well not much is happening.   I have now been in the KCSL program for 6 months and not once has my profile been shown for adoption.  With each day I get more and more sure it's not going to happen.  And with each day as I get older- I feel like I'm getting closer to an age when I don't think it's right for a child to have me as a mother.  Please don't take that into offense if you are an older mother.  It is just something I never wanted to be (and by that I mean starting so late in the game)
February is always a little depressing for me...ok a lot.   It's my birthday and the numbers are starting to add up.  Most of the time I have no idea that I'm so old and then once a year I am reminded that the years are steadily piling on.  I'm 36 this year and while yes it could still be classified as semi young- I'm not truly that young anymore.    It's hard to believe that I finally made the decision to find other ways to start a family over 3yrs ago....and I'm really not anywhere with it.  It really brings me down- I think I'm a fantastic mom and yes there would be hard times as a single mom, but aren't there in a two parent home as well.  And honestly I've been around a lot of two parent homes and sometimes that is not the best situation either for some.  It also makes it so hard seeing all the people who are pregnant and all the babies on Facebook.  I'm happy for those people and babies are cute, but it stings a little.  It makes it harder to understand having any faith.
Kind of leads into my other hate of February--Valentines day.  I really think it's an overrated holiday anyway for commercialism- but it still is sad to again have no one to celebrate with.  I've never had anyone to celebrate with and in our society it's thrown in your face.  I had to go to the store for medication today (I have bronchitis to top off the month) and the store looks like valentines day puked all over it.  The world seems to be saying I'm sorry you a sad, lonely loser- let me remind you of it every single place you look.
Also all of my nephews have birthdays this month and their parents are still being difficult and I haven't seen them since April and I miss them so much.
Enough of my ranting and raving.   I still want to adopt, I still want a kid (s).   I have made the decision over the past 6 months that if I'm going this way - I want a girl....or twin girls or a girl/boy twin set.   I'm trying to keep hoping- some progress would be nice.  I do hope everyone has a Happy Valentines day.

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