No baby yet...but Moving forward a little.

Originally I wasn't going to post any of this information as I don't want to get anyone excited-including myself.  However this blog is about the journey to creating my family and this is part of that road.  After an eternity of no communication and no hope from the adoption agency a couple things have happened.   As the adoption agency gets birth parents they show profiles to the birth parents to choose from- if they match the criteria between the two.   The birth parents can choose the family even if they want a closed adoption.  The only case where this might not happen is a birth mother who gives the child up at the hospital.   Most birth families are looking for two parent homes and I'm prepared to be not chosen, but when my profile is never shown to be turned down it looks hopeless.   The only criteria I had was that I decided I wanted a girl (hey I'm paying big time money for this kid and might as well) and that they are ok with a single parent home.   I also had put that major health issues might be an issue because I am single, but I'm not sure most of the time they would know that in advance.

Finally though two weeks ago I received an email about having my profile shown to a woman due in July.   At the same time there was discussion about another baby that was possibly going to be up for adoption that has already been born.  Though for awhile that seemed like she wasn't actually going to go up for adoption.  Today I received a call about having my profile shown to that mother as well, papers were signed by the dad and the mom is doing so on Monday.   So now my profile is being shown to two mothers.    While this is no guarantee of being chosen - there are 7 other active families whose profiles may be shown as well.  I do feel like I'm moving forward a little.  I'm trying not to get to excited or hopeful as I am single and that doesn't really work as a plus for me.  

There are pros and cons to both babies.  The July baby's mother has been into drugs so who knows how that will affect the baby, but it would be a newborn.  The other is healthy, but will be 3months next week and if I was chosen for that one it would totally ruin my trip (which I am totally willing to give up for a baby- sorry friend who I may not be able to see) as she could be given to the adoptive family next week.   At first I wasn't so sure about it as I've kind of had my heart set on a newborn and bringing baby home from the hospital, but a 3 month old still hasn't started all those firsts that I so badly want to be a part of....and it would give me all summer to bond.  

So don't get your hopes up, but please pray for me and that the right thing will work out.  Perhaps it is one of these babies and maybe it's not- maybe it's another one in the near future.   I can't wait to become a mommy, but I want what God wants for me.   It's worked out well that this didn't happen earlier than now with all that went on with my job.   But now is a good time and I'm hoping it will happen soon for me.   I'm a better person with kids around and I know I will be a good mother.   So we will see how this all plays out.  I'm still going on my trip, but am kind of hopeful that I will have to change everything.  We will see.