Bah Humbug!

No update on any possible adoption so I thought I'd take a moment to reflect on holidays, as it is that time of year.   Because of my foster care experience and at one point having nephews around for them I believe I can speak to this topic.
The difference between holidays with kids and without.
I used to love the holidays.  My family when we were growing up would always get together on every holiday.  Christmas Eve was always reserved for my mom's side.  But as we have all gotten older and the rest of the family has gotten married and had kids, it has become harder and harder to do any type of gathering.   I still get together with my parents and a brother but it's not the same.  
It's one thing to experience the holidays as a single person- it's extremely lonely.   Having experienced Christmas with kids and now no kids is even harder.

When you have kids you have someone to shop for- I spend lots of money on everyone else's children, but it's not the same.  You get to brighten someone's day and make them happy.  While I know all the kids I buy gifts for appreciate it- it is not the same.  With kids you make sure they have certain experiences - like seeing Santa, making cookies, crafts, helping wrap gifts, decorating the tree, going to see christmas lights.  I know it sometimes seems a little overwhelming when you have kids during the holidays....being single and no kids- I don't do any of these things.  I have no decorations up, making cookies seems like a waste of money, it would be weird if I went to see Santa, and I actually spend my time sitting alone on my couch at home most of break.  yes I go and see a movie or go out with a friend for awhile, but when it's over I'm back alone at home with my pets.

I can't wait for the day when I get to show a child how wonderful christmas time and holidays are again.    If that time ever comes.  I wish there was a way to ensure that will happen, but I'm less and less positive every day.

This isn't the life I wanted.  I wanted to be married and have kids and be a good teacher.   There is a little tiny part of me that still hopes that something will happen and hopefully next year I won't be alone for the holidays.    But more and more I'm realizing that life isn't going to change.  

So basically if you have kids, enjoy every frantic minute of the holidays.