Baby J's First Thanksgiving

 It's baby J's first Thanksgiving and we spent it with my parents and brother (well for as much as he could be off work---don't shop retail on Thanksgiving people).....They all came to my apartment so that baby J did not have to go out...which was awesome since it has been raining and sleeting all day...in fact the yard in the back of my apartment is completely flooded and the only thing that's going to change is that it is slowly turning to sleet to ice.
I have so much to be thankful for this year.  These are in no particular order and probably don't truly express how thankful I am.
   I have a wonderful new job, while still stressful at times, is nothing like the horrible job I came from.  I have bosses who are kind and supportive instead of hateful and abusive.  I'm thankful that even though I know the kids are having to adapt to a new teacher they have mostly done it with respect and made the transition easier than I expected.   Though there have been some bumps I am thankful that we have overcome them.  I'm thankful I have a job that pays my bills.  Financially I'm very tight right now and barely making it...but I am making it and I'm so lucky that I am.  

I'm also thankful to all the people who have reached out and show support through prayer, gifts, kind words throughout this adoption process.   I could not have accomplished a lot that has happened without that support.  Please know that every little kind thought, gift, and prayer was /has been so appreciated.   Not only has it helped Baby J, but it has shown me that the world still has great people and kindness and hope.  

I am thankful for my friends and family.  They have been my rock during so much in my life.  They have supported me from day 1 of starting foster care and not one of them made me doubt adopting a very sick preemie was a bad decision.  I'm especially thankful for my parents, brother, Aunt, and cousin who have helped me out with Baby J so that I can survive as a working, single mom.  I know it's hard being a single mom, but they have made it so much easier.  I'm especially thankful for my Mom who has given up her weekdays to care for Baby J.  I'm so glad that she doesn't have to go to daycare right now.   My job takes a lot of time and I'm glad she gets one on one time with someone who loves her.  I could go on and on about how appreciative I am of my friends and family....hopefully they already know how thankful I am.  
I'm thankful for doctors and nurses who kept baby J alive and sent her home a healthy little girl.  I'm thankful for her health and for mine.   There are so many other scenarios that could occur with preemies (or any baby) and I do not for one second take for granted how lucky/blessed we are that baby girl is overall healthy and doing pretty darn good.    And I'm very thankful she is now sleeping through the night.
I'm thankful for a break.  On Aug 22, I quickly threw some stuff into this apartment and then headed to spend the weekend with baby girl in Topeka, she came home a couple days later and I have been going non stop.  I didn't get any time off from work.  I'm so thankful for a break and for getting to spend the weekend with baby girl.  This is the longest I've gotten to spend with her since she came home and I love it and will be sad to go back to work.

I'm thankful for my puppies who have been great with Baby J.  Herbie loves her and I'm so glad of that.  they are going to be so cute together as they grow up.
The biggest thing I'm grateful for this year is Baby J.   Being a mom has always been something I have wanted and for whatever reason  family by normal means did not seem to be in the plans.  I NEVER intended to be single or familyless.   But for whatever reason I am.  Baby J has been the biggest blessing of my life and I am so very lucky to call her mine.  When this teeny tiny baby came into my life, she filled a big part of my heart.   We've already conquered so much together and I can't imagine life without her.  If you had asked me if I ever thought I would spend almost 3 months in a NICU hospital waiting to bring home a less than 2 lb baby I would have laughed.   Being matched with Baby J has changed my life.   I love this little girl and am so very very thankful for her.

This is how I get ready now.  ha ha

A little update on Baby J.   She has started to grab toys a little more and hold onto them.   She has reached a stage where she thinks she should be sitting up and struggles to try to get herself there...no she can't actually get there but that doesn't stop her from trying.  She is now sleeping at least 8-10 hrs a night...which I love.   In the past few days I have figured out that she loves to play on my bed...so we go upstairs and play for about an hour till she rubs her little eyes and then I put her in her bassinet and she goes to sleep pretty fast.   I'm considering starting to move her to her crib in the other room, but she does so well in the bassinet.  Tonight I laid her down and went downstairs.   I only heard her once and when I came to check she was asleep.   Yea!

I hope everyone had a very nice and safe Thanksgiving.  I'm looking forward to the rest of the weekend and seeing the rest of my family.  

Baby J will sit her and talk to Herbie as long as he stays there

After Thanksgiving naps with everyone!

Baby J- Winter's Coming

Winter is quickly coming and you can definitely feel it in the air.   The temperature has started to drop and the storms are cold.   Poor western Kansas has had tornadoes and snow storms this week.  We have not seen snow here yet, but I'm sure it won't be long.    In the mean time we are trying to avoid any more illness in our home.  The cold was enough for Baby J.   She is finally over her cold, though at times she still sounds a little stuffed up.  I sometimes think that's because my apartment is stuffy though.   You can tell she is feeling a lot better.   She smiles most of the time.  

We are preparing for the cold by trying to stay in more.  My family is awesome and this is my really busy long long days at work and they have been helping keep Baby J at home all day.   It not only keeps her away from my germ infested students, but it has been helping focus on the show.   My days this week are about 13-15hrs and it has not been fun to be away from Baby J so much, but I'm very glad she has awesome family.  Yesterday Baby J received her first booster of Synagis   This is something she will get every month until March to help combat RSV.  RSV is a respiratory infection that could actually be deadly for Baby J if she gets it and guarantees a revisit to the hospital.  Hopefully this booster will help her avoid getting it or keeping it very mild.   Everyone can get RSV, but it's very dangerous for small babies.  She qualified because of her birth weight.  The nice thing is that she is now getting weighed monthly and it's done by home health so we don't go somewhere to get it.  Yesterday she weighed in at a whopping 9lb 5oz.   She's getting quite big now.   

 

I finally received some paperwork with Birth Mom's genetic information.  It didn't have a lot of information...but I learned that Baby J was actually 1 lb 13.7 oz at birth not the 1 lb 15 oz we were told.  That apparently was her weight at the hospital she was flown to.   So she has come even further.  It's not a lot of weight difference unless you are that size.   

In other good news, Baby J is sleeping through the night.  She started late this past.  So at 10.5 weeks adjusted (5 months) Baby girl is sleeping at least 7-8hrs and up to 9.  She usually tries to wake up at 4am but I can usually get her to go right back to sleep and if not feed her and then she goes back to sleep.   She is also sleeping in her bassinet instead of the rock and play at night.   I could move her to her crib now since she's sleeping so well, but she's still so tiny and not rolling both directions so I'm not to worried about the bassinet.

 

 

Baby J- 5 months old

Sebastian and Baby J

Today baby J is 5 months old (and 10 weeks adjusted).   She is 8 lbs 14oz (possibly a tiny less cause she hasn't been eating as well)   She smiles a lot and talks a lot more.   She's adorable as always.  Hopefully we will start to see some more development in what she is doing soon.

Sadly though she has also been living with her first cold (her cousin shared it with her).   It has been miserable watching her be miserable. She has this sad little cry and horrible sounding coughing. Thursday Grandma and Grandpa watched her and I felt miserable that I didn't stay home with her.  Because I'm at a new job I have ver limited days I can use (and actually it doesn't increase like my last job over the years)  That is the one thing I miss about my last job.  I had over 160 hrs saved up and lost them all.   This new

Herbie and Baby J

job - which I wouldn't give up- doesn't let you roll over hours/days.  In fact it's half a day or a full day and nothing between which is sad.   But I've gone off track of my topic.  I'm so grateful for my parents and all they are doing to help out.  I felt bad as a parent and she was feeling worse by thursday night and with stuff going on elsewhere, I decided to stay home on Friday.  I even canceled rehearsal Thursday which I feel extremely bad about - I rarely cancel rehearsals and I've canceled a lot lately.   I know as a single parent, I'm just going to have to learn to deal with some of these feelings and be thankful I have the help.   However I'm glad I stayed home.   I think this weekend is the longest time we've spent together alone and at home since Baby J came home.  

Sebastian and Baby J- He doesn't usually curl up with her

Yesterday was full of puking and crying and sleeping.  I went through 5 outfits and Baby J went through 3.   Thankfully today she has smiled some again, kept most of the food she has eaten down (though she is taking in a lot less) and seems to be feeling a little better.  Her poor cough and cry are still sad, but happen less and at times she sounds almost healthy.  Our last 48 hrs have consisted of:

• a lot (A LOT) of laundry 
• sleeping a lot - ok well at least the baby is sleeping
• running the shower - we have awesome hot water in our apartment
• filling the humidifier constantly
• cleaning up the furniture, the floor, the baby, the dogs, the toys, the wall from all the puking
• reading books- Baby J got her first free book in the mail
• baths for baby- lots of baths
• catching up on the hulu list
• catching up on Netflix
• holding and rocking baby girl
• trying to clean a little bit between puking and holding.
• loving on the baby- cause I never get enough time to do that
• feeling very blessed to finally have a little baby.

If we can just make it 2 more weeks we will be done with our show for now and have a lot more evening free time.  It's been a crazy ride with moving and starting a new job and having a new little one...but I wouldn't change it for anything.  I'm so lucky to have Baby J in my life and  we are sort of surviving.   I am looking forward to having a few weeks of home time in the evening.  Hopefully this cold will pass quickly and not get worse- I do have some fear of that with her being so small.

 

Baby J- It's official

I have always wanted to be a mom.  I can't even remember a time in my life where I didn't have some job or activity that kept me interacting with kids.  I have always loved kids, always thought I would have a family of my own.  Live did not turn out exactly how I planned.  No man has come along and no family.   So four years ago, I decided to change some of that.   I started actively seeking out adoption- I'd thought of it many times before and never been opposed to the idea, but
had never really actively sought it out.   I spent two years doing what I thought was foster to adopt and fostered 8 children.  I loved all of those kids, who each came with a unique challenge, and would have taken any of them - but it wasn't meant to be.  After finding out my adoption stuff never got turned in and after realizing even more how much those first couple years were I started the process of private infant adoption (please note I was not opposed to the idea of adopting a little older and someday would even consider returning to foster/adoption through that system).  I knew this was an important thing to me.   The past two years have been a roller coaster of emotions.  I had my profile shown over 20+ times, and because I was single many parents didn't even consider me despite all I have to offer.   I understand, but it still was frustrating and sad.   Now I know though that God had the perfect little girl in mind and today after 4 years and some change, I am officially and legally a mother.   Yes I've been her mom now for several months (almost 5 months), but to have the legal paper work is such a huge thing and a huge relief.   No one can come and 'take her back' and I can finally take control of all her papers and decisions.  

Even though I've been in this process for several years, I could never imagined where I would be today.  With a new place to live, a new job, and a beautiful little girl.   A little girl who has taught me what true persistence and love is.   A little girl who despite not knowing me till a week after birth, knows that I'm her mommy and smiles for me and laughs for me and every day shows me how incredible she is.   I am so lucky and blessed to be matched with such a wonderful little girl.  

My family (minus one taking the pic)

 
I have also realized how blessed I am by my friends and family.   I have always known how wonderful they are, but their support with my foster kids and through all of this adoption has been so amazing.  I could not have done any of this journey without them (especially with starting a new job) and I'm so happy to have Baby J join this family.  

 

I have also seen the good of the world.  So many people have prayed for us and helped us out.  Never would I have ever thought I would have spent an entire summer in a NICU and in another city.   People helped me stay there and without the prayers so many people sent up and the wonderful words from everyone, I don't think Baby J would have done so well.   She is happy and healthy and has overcome so much.   And I have seen such support that it has meant so much to me.  

 

Today was quick, but such a big day.  So many of my family showed up to watch our adoption take place.   I think we surprised the judge and my lawyer with the amount of people (and I know there were many that would have been there if they could have).  It was nice though when the judge said something about me being single and said, but I can tell you have a very good support system.   We filled half the courtroom.   It literally took about 3 minutes for the actual adoption to take place.  We went to celebrate afterward and had lunch together.   Thank you to everyone who was able to come that did come.  

Today was the second best day of my life, only being overshadowed by the day I met my daughter.    I can't even begin to relay how lucky/blessed I feel right now.  Nor can I ever truly show the gratitude that I feel toward the family, friends, and even strangers who helped me out or prayed for us.  

As far as a Baby J update, she is growing.  We are starting to replace her newborn clothing with 0-3, have moved up to size 1 diapers, and even moved her car seat belts from the tiniest position.   She is full of smiles and is so close to laughing.   While we are still a spit up baby, it has improved some.   She loves to pull her toys and is even starting to hold them.   Sadly we have caught our first cold and is showing signs of that today, but so far it's minimal and hopefully will clear up quickly.  She should be starting some RSV shots that will help lesson effects of RSV.   I don't know her weight right now, but would guess somewhere around 8.5 lbs.  maybe a little less.   When she starts to get her shots they will weigh her.   Please continue to pray for her that we make it through the winter without any major illnesses.  RSV scares me a lot, knowing that it would land her back in the hospital and could even be deadly for her.  While the shots are not a preventative, they should help lesson any effects if she does get it.    WE have been very lucky that she hasn't gotten sick before now...but her cousins wanted to share something with her.   We had a great Halloween and she slept through our entire trip tot he aquarium with my nephews.  

Again thank you everyone for all you have done.

After our very busy adoption day!