Saying Goodbye

I am now a single alone woman again.  Today I said goodbye to my 2 boys, or rather I tried.   I was lucky enough to drive them to their new foster home.  My mother went with us thankfully as it was a little bit of a drive.   I wasn't sure what to expect - this is the first time any of my foster kids haven't been going to a family member.   I've been trying for the last few days to let the boys know what was going on- we said goodbye as we left things- but they are young and they didn't really understand.  I packed up their stuff- they came with one outfit and left with an entire year round wardrobe and a lot of toys.
I am so glad I got to take them.   Their new family had a mom and dad and two of their own boys near the same ages.   M was playing and having fun and barely said goodbye as we left (granted he probably didn't realize we weren't coming back) and E was having fun.  I really liked the foster parents.  They were a younger couple new to fostering.  The dad got down and played with the boys immediately and the mom talked to me for quite awhile.  I felt good about their new placement and hope that soon they will be out of foster care.  I think they will both do well there and after awhile will show themselves fully to the parents (E has been talking constantly -literally- for the past few days- but takes awhile to warm up in new situations).  Both kids reacted so much better than I could have hoped for and interacted way better than they would have a couple of months ago.   The hardest part was watching E as it was registering on his face I was leaving.   Thankfully we were out of sight before I could see his full reaction.    It will be sad to not have kids in the house anymore, but this was the best decision for the boys and for me right now, especially with work issues that have been occurring.   Stay tuned for my next entry about what I've learned from foster care.   :-)  

Round....something

I just reread my last post.  Guess I haven't done to well on keeping up on here.  I'm still very upset over what happened and still unsure of what I want to do.  I did respite care over break for a 1 and 2yr old.  It went ok, but honestly I was very glad they weren't staying.    I just wasn't into it and very impatiant and for them being in care since March or May they had a lot of habits i would never have allowed to continue.

However it was kind of funny to watch them everytime the cat would walk into the room they would burst into tears, which my cat figured out.   So she starts walking through more.  We progressed to where she could be in the room as long as she didn't move and by day 5 the little girl at least acted like she may be ok.   

On Jan. 11 I took in two boys ages 1 1/2 and 2 1/2.  They were leaving with their grandparents, but grandparents couldn't really handle them.  They are abused and were neglected and so they are very shy.  The 2 1/2 year old (M) is definately out of control.  I have already seen some improvement though and that makes me happy.  He wasn't sleeping much when he came and now he sleeps all night. 

The 1 1/2 year old (E) is cute and awnry as can be.  He's been sick a bunch and is finally starting to recover.  

My heart isn't into this as much as it was.  I really miss the little girl alot.  I really want to adopt and I don't seem to be getting any closer to that.   I wish I knew the right thing to do.  

I wish I were brave

I am at a loss anymore with these kids.  I don't know what to do.  For awhile it really seemed like we were making some huge strides, but this weekend went backwards a lot.  B is having a really hard time adjusting to two sets of household rules and G is having a hard time adjusting to B being gone.  I can't stand myself when I'm with her and they frustrate me so much.   I don't know what to do.  I know I should just have them moved and admit to failure.

Bubble Wrap + Toddler = days of entertainment

Who knew that bubble wrap could be such a source of entertainment, but G has played with it for days.   Even focused on it for awhile which is a big thing for her.   The past week has improved dramatically.  I don't feel like I need to call and have the kids moved out of my house.   Last week I begged that they get G some help and I still believe that she desperately needs it.   The day after that things changed.  We started having good moments.  G started curling up in my lap in the evening for awhile - at first still unable to sit still and then for longer moments.  I've found that if I put B to bed and spend some time with G, things are better.   In the past couple of nights, bedtime has even been better.  She goes in and at least sits in the bed now for the most part.   Daycare has reported things are better there too.  She's finally attaching and realizing she's ok.
As far as the behavior overall, we do have some problems still.  Sunday was a long day and didn't go real well.  Overall though for longer periods of time, things are better.   I can not get her to say please though for the life of me.  It's interesting.
School is fast approaching and I'm not sure how that will go, but I'm ready to go back...sort of.
Here's a pic from the pool the other day.