Today was my home study for the private adoption (had to be done completely from scratch because TFI never did mine correctly). I was a little worried as I'm not the best housekeeper in the world, the kids just left and I'm still not caught up. Not to mention my grass is almost knee high because the rain will not stay away long enough for my sponge of a yard to dry up enough to mow. My house by the way is not dirty...just not extremely clean and organized. It's safe and is reviewed a lot for the foster care license so don't worry about the kids coming through. :-)
10am my worker for my private adoption showed up. I'm going through Kansas Children's Service League (KCSL) which yes does still do infant adoptions- despite what a local big paper kind of led everyone to believe. So far I've really liked this lady whom I will just refer to as worker cause I'm cool like that. She has been extremely honest with me about the adoption numbers and how things work and answers all of my questions very thoroughly. She is very aware of what happened with TFI and ensures me it will not happen through them. She has been upfront that it could be a wait, average is 11 months- they can't really control how many birth mothers they have. Lucky me I don't have a lot of restrictions on the type of adoption or type of kid. (although for now - I have down girl, might be my subconscious saying no boys cause I just had 2 very boy boys- and we will reevaluate that in 6months if needed.)
The interview went from 10am - 4pm. It really did take all day...so glad it happened before school started. So for those who don't know what a home study is- let me explain.
In order to adopt a person must have a home study done. If you go through the foster care system your case worker will do it and it doesn't cost to have it done. In the case of a private adoption it does cost. It can cost anywhere from $750 - $2000 for the initial cost. If you are having it updated, it's usually around $250-$500. Costs vary from agency to agency.
A home study is basically an in depth questioning session to discover all the details of your life to see if you will fit as an adoptive parent. Many of the questions are the same from home study to home study. Each group may ask a few questions or ask them in a different way, but really it is all about the same. It includes questions about finances, growing up, relationships, family, and the future of your child.
An important piece of the home study is your finances. They ask for your income (I had to give a copy of my taxes from last year). You fill out papers about monthly income, monthly expenditures, insurance, and life insurances. I do need to find out when insurance can take effect for an adoptee - either placement or finalization.
Another part is my experiences growing up and family. Where did I grow up, what is my education, job history (which was hard because I've always had so many jobs at once and I've been at my teaching job 9 yrs), who is my family, how was I raised, what were my religious/culture traditions, how are my relationships with family. I felt like someone was listening in they would be able to have great information for identity theft. It gets pretty detailed. She asked life changing experiences, have I experienced loss, how did I deal with that, How often do I talk/see my family. What kinds of jobs do my family have. She also asked about extended family since I listed them as resources. How close are they, how often do we see each other. If I were married there would be a whole other set of questions about that relationship...thankfully we just flew past that part...cut it much shorter.
There are many questions about the present other than relationships...What are my strengths, weaknesses or needs, parenting weaknesses and strengths- both that were so much easier to answer now that I've had kids in the house. How do I recognize and deal with stress and anger. How do I feel about my job, what resources do I have available, do I know how to find resources, am I pretty much healthy.
A lot of questions deal with the child and raising them- discipline, what rules I expect, how I plan to bond with them, safety, resources, what do I need to do to prepare for a child, how will it change my life. I don't need to do much to prepare, basics - diapers and smaller clothes. I have so much already because of foster kids- oh and get a infant car seat- only because I want a carrier and don't want to use the other till they are bigger- but it really starts at 5lbs. It also won't make a lot of difference in my life now because I've had 2 kids in my house for almost 2 yrs now. I've already made those adjustments to life with them. I do need to make sure I keep up on school stuff- I can take 4 weeks for an adopted child and plan to do so if it falls during school or at least part of that. I'm pretty set for a kid- not probably like most parents adopting.
That's basically the home study. A lot of in depth questions about me and my beliefs and what I want. Basically it's getting a really good look at me to see if I'm crazy and if I can handle a child in my life. I do feel like it's really personal and with the information they could take over my life and no one would expect it. :-)
So what happens from here. Well worker goes back and types up all the lovely answers and makes it into something anyone can read- not just her. Then we both sign off on it. My fingerprints have to come back still (I hope the county sheriff's office sent it on- kind of think maybe they didn't). They also are waiting on my references to fill out paperwork- HINT HINT to those people- please return it- promise I won't make you do it again....hopefully. Once all this is finished I pay for the next step which will hurt and then I'm in their system...and then the waiting begins.
After a really huge work stress happened, I almost canceled this process. I had to really think about continuing even though I desperately want a child and I'm getting older and this process could already take awhile. I am glad I went a head with it. I'm excited and hope something occurs - something in life has to go right lately. I know I could be in for a long wait again...but worker did assure me that everyone who stuck with the program has been matched. After this next step is payed I will officially be in their program and I can start looking at grants and see if maybe I can find one.
So in all that is going wrong currently in my life - this is going very well right now and I'm grateful for that sliver of hope and good. and by the way = it's pouring AGAIN. My poor lawn may never be mowed again.
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