Round 3...oops I think I forgot to write about round 2

So as I look at the blog I realize I pretty much fail at keeping it updated.   2 weeks ago I got a phone call for a 18 month old for emergency care.   (Actually I'm still not entirely sure what his age was).  He was adorable.   He showed up at 5am on a Friday morning and I was up all night as they called at 11:30pm.   I really enjoyed him, especially after he was there for awhile.  He loved to sing or rather hum along with songs, and actually was very 'talkative' when we were alone.   Apparently a child can only be in police custody for 3 days, but that doesn't include weekends or holidays - which it was.   I was hoping he would be able to stay with me.  That evening I took him to the ER to get checked over (which now I'm trying to get the bill solved) and we had an enjoyable weekend.   On Wednesday of the next week they called me and said they were on the way to pick him up, he had been transfered to SRS custody.   i tried so hard to get them to leave him with me, apparently he ended up having a 2yr old sister, both of which I could take and the poor kid was tramatized enough.  He was picked up and taken away screaming and reaching for me.  That was horrible and made me instantly want to quite it all.   I even called my case worker to try to get her to help, but never heard back from her.  
This experience made me very bitter for a few days, I felt so bad for that child.  I swore off the system and really considered if I was doing right by being involved.  I had made the decision that I will not be doing emergency care anymore- especially during the school year.   I kept really thinking about completely withdrawing myself, but at the same time I know I'm good with the kids and I love having the little ones around.  As I was debating this still a week later, I received a call to take in two kids, ages 1 and 3.   I said ok.   So again I'm out buying supplies and clothes and have taken in two kids I know nothing about.  They are two boys and come with some development problems and so far it's been interesting.   They came on Wednesday which seems to be the magic day for changes- thankfully I no longer have a church job to contend with on Wednesdays.    I'll save the beginning of our time together for another entry, as this has gotten long....and well I'm exhausted and going to bed.   This will be the first time before midnight in the last few days.
Goodnight world.

Still Waiting....

My household feels empty now after having two kids for over four months.   I've decided I am a better person with kids.  I get up, I dont' sleep all the time and I keep the house somewhat cleaner.   I also feel less alone.  I feel like I have purpose.  
I've had several calls for teenagers which I can't take and one call for a part of a large group of kids - but they never called me back.  I know there are some that need placed, but I'm still waiting.  I don't feel like my social worker is doing the best she can.  She tells me one thing but doesn't follow through or is telling me wrong.   By now she should have had my adoption paperwork/studies done, but she hasn't done anything on them.    She says she's trying to get some kids in my house but I don't believe she's really following through...I'm still waiting on the reimbursement for the first week of childcare.   (I'll never see that.)
So in the meantime, I just keep waiting and try to stay calm and work on the things I need to do at school.   It's not like I have nothing going on between the show at school and the show at church.  :-)

An Empty House

Ok it's not completely empty.  I am still there as well as my pets, but as for kids all is quiet.   The kids I had left last Wednesday.   It was not as bad as I anticipated.  I had a nice conversation with the family and that helped alot.   I never was sad they were going home.  I miss them, but always knew they would be going home.   My family is more upset than I am.   I do miss them and their keeping me busy.  However my spring play is starting so I am goign to keep busy. I just hope I get more kids and soon.
They called today and I was excited, but it turned out to be for a 15 or 16 year old and I am not licensed for teens nor do I want them or have the space for them.  I can't believe they even called over that.  I have everyone thinking positive with me that the next one will be a baby and one I can keep.  :-)

The Wait Continues

I'm not sure which will in the end be the hardest, saying goodbye to the kids or this wait of not having any information.  The social workers have not give me any information.  I don't know when or how they are leaving or to whom.  I think it's totally unfair to me and also to the kids.   I have things I need to pack for them and they need to know it's happening before they leave or it will be the same as when they were removed from home.   I don't want them to leave thinking I didn't want them so I want to be able to discuss it with them.  This is frustrating and stressfull.  I've asked for information but they haven't given me anything.  I've chosen not to go to the court thing today since my opinion apparently doesn't matter and they have already made the decision to move the kids.  I can see how people don't want to be foster parents.  I told my social worker (whom isn't totally realiable) that I really want to move towards the adoption process.  
The kids are adorable and I am going to miss them.  Boy has really grown up in the past 4 1/2 months.  He's no longer the blank wall I used to try to talk to .  He uses complete sentences, has full conversations and recalls information very well.  He is quite polite and is a sponge for information.   Girl has started running, talks all the time, and is now in the copy everything you say phase.   She to is a sponge for information.  She loves being tickled and dancing.   They are good kids and I hope whereever they go the people taking care of them know how special the kids are.  They are smart and have so much potential.
I will miss them.

And so it Happens

Last night I got a phone call from my social worker stating that the kids would be moved to a relative in the kid's hometown.  That was all she said which totally freaked me out.  I thought maybe I did something since this move is declared right after a 3 night stay with mom and after I asked 'are we sure the baby girl isn't a drug baby'.   So I freaked otu and tryed to call her back, she didn't answer, so I did what any irrational freaked otu person would do and called the kids' social worker who also did not answer.  However after freaking out a little more I tried again.   She answered and informed me it had nothing to do with me and I was great.   I knew it was selfish of me to even ask, but I need to know if I have done an error.  This is my first foster kids.  They are moving to start the reintegration process so when the court date happens they can start moving them home faster.  I still don't understand how the mom/grandma are going to be found anything but guilty, but I guess that's not my problem or call. I just hope they actually give me a date they are leaving so I can pack and have them prepared (as well as myself)
I am happy that they are moving towards reintegration I guess---if that's what they need to do.  I'm not sure it's what's best for the kids, but that could be the small attachment I have speaking there.   I think what's hardest is knowing when they leave that's it.  It will kind of feel like the girls moving away.  I never get to talk to them anymore and it's hard (course I was around them a lot longer)  I'm actually handling it cureently very well.  I'm more troubled by the way I was told and how underhanded it was.  Maybe the next kid will be for keeps.   And I'm at least a little more prepared.

Merry Christmas

My first Christmas with kids came...sort of.  We had Christmas last night.   It was fun and the kids are comepletly spoiled.   There are new toys everywhere in my living room.   I have no idea where it's all going and we don't have enough to get rid of some things to make room.  I never had room originally.  I'm sad I don't get to spend actual Christmas with them.   They went home tonight for the next few days.  I understand though, they aren't really mine.  I'm not looking forward to them returning...well not them returning, their behaviors when they return is really what I mean.  When they just spent one night it took almost two weeks to semi get back to normal and I'm not sure H ever did, so 3 nights should be wonderful.   I hope all have a fabulous Christmas...I'm going to enjoy my time without kids and see some of my friends.

oops I missed again

I thought it would be great to update this, get my experiences out...blah blah blah.  But time gets away.  I lived through the musical with two kids and they both survived.  Though I will admit the week before my parents came up on a Sunday to 'save me' and then we ended up in the ER with girl.  She got her finger smashed hard in a door.   Overall kids are doing well.  Girl has become exceptionally clingy since the week of the show, I don't blame her.   Kids are behaving though much better or I am handling it better.  Last week during the holidays, they got to spend the night with their mom for the first time.  I have a lot of mixed feelings about that.  They were not able to stay at their home and stayed at great grandma's.   So throw more confusion at them.  I met the family.  It was interesting.  Only the kids' great grandmother talked to me.   And the mom didn't even say hi to the kids when she walked up.   Very young, angry young woman.  I can't imagine being in her shoes though and being told about your own kids.

Of course that stay resulted in digressing for both kids.  They are fighting more again and throwing tantrums.  I've started over with Bryson sleeping again (he's not).  It's frustrating.  We were finally getting to a normal and now it feels like we are starting over.   Both kids are clingy.  Tuesday they went to do their weekly visit with mom and refused to go to daycare the next day.  I had to convince them I was picking them up and no one else.   I feel bad for the kids.  I can't imagine being them and trying to figure it out, especially at such a young age.