Another year comes and goes..and still no kids or life..

I really haven't been updating this blog much, because well not much is happening.   I have now been in the KCSL program for 6 months and not once has my profile been shown for adoption.  With each day I get more and more sure it's not going to happen.  And with each day as I get older- I feel like I'm getting closer to an age when I don't think it's right for a child to have me as a mother.  Please don't take that into offense if you are an older mother.  It is just something I never wanted to be (and by that I mean starting so late in the game)
February is always a little depressing for me...ok a lot.   It's my birthday and the numbers are starting to add up.  Most of the time I have no idea that I'm so old and then once a year I am reminded that the years are steadily piling on.  I'm 36 this year and while yes it could still be classified as semi young- I'm not truly that young anymore.    It's hard to believe that I finally made the decision to find other ways to start a family over 3yrs ago....and I'm really not anywhere with it.  It really brings me down- I think I'm a fantastic mom and yes there would be hard times as a single mom, but aren't there in a two parent home as well.  And honestly I've been around a lot of two parent homes and sometimes that is not the best situation either for some.  It also makes it so hard seeing all the people who are pregnant and all the babies on Facebook.  I'm happy for those people and babies are cute, but it stings a little.  It makes it harder to understand having any faith.
Kind of leads into my other hate of February--Valentines day.  I really think it's an overrated holiday anyway for commercialism- but it still is sad to again have no one to celebrate with.  I've never had anyone to celebrate with and in our society it's thrown in your face.  I had to go to the store for medication today (I have bronchitis to top off the month) and the store looks like valentines day puked all over it.  The world seems to be saying I'm sorry you a sad, lonely loser- let me remind you of it every single place you look.
Also all of my nephews have birthdays this month and their parents are still being difficult and I haven't seen them since April and I miss them so much.
Enough of my ranting and raving.   I still want to adopt, I still want a kid (s).   I have made the decision over the past 6 months that if I'm going this way - I want a girl....or twin girls or a girl/boy twin set.   I'm trying to keep hoping- some progress would be nice.  I do hope everyone has a Happy Valentines day.

Don't forget to shop Amazon through this link  http://tinyurl.com/l4hv9xm    I get a percentage.   

Surviving the Flu- A Guide.

Influenza

The flu is an infection of the nose, throat, and lungs. It spreads easily - National Library of Medicine

in·flu·en·za  (nfl-nz)

n.

1. An acute contagious viral infection characterized by inflammation of the respiratory tract and by fever, chills, muscular pain, and prostration. Also called grippe.

2. Any of various viral infections of domestic animals characterized generally by fever and respiratory involvement.

-http://www.thefreedictionary.com/influenza

Also known to survivors as the shortened period where a being of some sort can be found kicking and beating the heck out of your stomach region for 1-3 days, unless you are extremely lucky and it's longer.  The little being does often come with side effects other than massive pain- all of which I will let you imagine on your own.

I recently am a survivor of this so called 'flu' and am providing the following information to help you to through this flu season.

The biggest tip I can give you is DO NOT GET THE FLU.  I realize you are sitting there wondering "how do I not get the flu"  Here are some tips.  

1. Wash your hands- that's awesome and great advice- mainly because it's gross when you don't. However- despite medical professionals advice- the flu will not skip you just because you wash your hands.  Sorry.  never fear though and keep reading I do have some other ways to avoid it.
2.   Hold up your hands in a cross formation when encountering anyone who is ill and move backwards away from them (of course cursing them for coming so close to you).  This cross formation of your hands is known to keep vampires, demons and of course the flu from attacking you. 
3. Keep a can of lysol with you at all times.  Do not be afraid to spray...Spray everything---twice.  If you choose this method however, invest in some sort of mask as you will be choking from the fumes (no matter what smell the bottle says it has- you will feel overwhelmed and possibly high from the amount you will need to use)  Of course Lysol only kills 99.9% of bacteria and things so that .1% is probably the flu virus that has managed to survive.
4. This really is the best advice- Become a hermit, disconnect from all human contact.  If you find it necessary to venture into the world create a large plastic bubble you can contain yourself in (I would recommend renting- but that comes with someone else's germs).  it might be helpful to create this ball of plastic now before it's to late. 

If you have become a victim, despite using the above suggestions here are some tips to surviving the flu.

1. When symptoms first appear- deny it.  You're overworked, overstressed, and pretty sure you can't be sick right now.  While denying it does not stop the inevitable onset of the symptoms - it will take you past the 48hrs that you can get actual medicine for the flu so that it can develop into it's full ugly, painful self. 
2. The moment you are willing to admit you have indeed caught the flu, start cursing the person who gave it to you.  The guilt you put upon them will indeed help you overcome your illness much faster.  You can accomplish this through dirty looks, emails that contain emoticons of sad or green faces, and of course through the sarcastic "Thanks a lot for giving me the flu".  
3. If you must suffer so must the loved ones around you- no matter their current health status.  Complain as loudly and as often as you can.  Vocalizing your pain will indeed treat it almost as well as any medicine could (especially since you've already missed that window of getting the flu medicine- which you should also mention often)  If you happen to live a sad life alone with pets (aka me) - complain anyway.  If nothing else the looks those animals give you during your moments of groaning and whining will bring some entertainment to your quickly passing life.
4. Stock your bathroom.  I recommend the following -though I'm sure it's not a complete list-                           -a comfy pillow for those quick moments between episodes where you can rest without using                 much energy to go from room to room.                                                                                            - a blanket or two or three- At some point you will swear the heater no longer works in your              house and you wonder what will take you first- hypothermia or the flu.                                                - A fan - temperatures suddenly change very very quickly- be prepared.                                                - cleaning supplies - at some point you will need this- don't ask, just have it.                                        - All you electronics and chargers-  Entertainment, someplace to write your Will as you are                    dying in your bathroom, and a way to communicate to the outside world that you are                          hot/cold/hot/sick/dying/cold even if they are only two rooms over.  Refer back to #3. 
5. Drink lots of liquids.   It's probably the only chance of survival as nothing else will stay down and even if stuff stays down nothing sounds good and honestly you shouldn't tempt the little being inside you to kick you more.  
6. Sleep-  Remember that overtired, overstressed person who couldn't possibly have the flu.  Well now you have plenty of time to sleep, of course if you can get comfortable which is highly unlikely-especially since you are living in the bathroom.  You will be happy you followed #4.   
7. These three days will seem like an eternity and anyone who tells you 'It's only 3 days' should be thanked with a long good hug or a handshake or if they are extremely rude- a nice cough near them.  You can also hasten the removal of the flu by touching everything and anything in your path.  Share you disease.  If you must suffer- so should others.  We are taught to share all our life.

If you survive this flu, congratulate yourself.  Feel free to remind others as often as possible that you have just recovered from the flu.  You can use this as an excuse for several days to avoid lifting, cleaning, and knowing what is really going on around you.  I highly recommend if, I mean when, you do survive this flu you refer back to the steps on avoiding the flu as you can get it again.  Good luck and Good Health.

Please Note: I have absolutely no real medical training.  However I am a survivor of this flu and have brought experience to this blog post.   

Seriously though- I wouldn't wish this flu on my worst enemies (not that I have any) for fear they would give it to someone I truly didn't want to get it.

See That Building...

Well I haven't written anything lately because…well nothing is happening.  All the people (and it's not many) who have decided on adoption are seeking two parent homes which means my profile has been shown…drumroll…..zero times.  Extremely frustrating.  
However I'd like to dedicate and discuss my other 'adopted' kids for just a second…that is my students.
As everyone knows I am a theatre teacher.  I sometimes feel overwhelmed, overworked, and extremely under appreciated.   There are times where I feel like a production will never come together and I will NEVER get through to my students.   If you asked me to describe myself I probably wouldn't use words like creative or empowering or well great at anything.
But then I sit and watch those high school students on production nights and am amazed.  Here are 70+ students who have created something together.   And honestly there is that moment when I realize- 'hey I did helped created something special'.
As I watched the show this past weekend, I thought about all the fabulous things I get to experience because I am lucky enough to work with these 'theatre'  kids.

-Two months ago these kids probably would never have been friends outside of this adventure and as I watched them in the greenroom prior to the show and throughout rehearsals- I got to see them become a family.  They come from all paths (poor, well off, average students, smart, sports kids, debate kids, behavior problem kids- kids with no parents, kids with involved parents, popular, unpopular, shy, outgoing) and yet by the end of this process an outsider would have no idea most of them didn't even know each other a few months ago.  Every day I am so amazed how accepting the theatre world can be.  I get to see the genially caring side of students.
-Two months ago we started with a script and a cast and we ended with costumes, a set, lights, sound, and a cohesive production.  And I can honestly say there was no one person who did the majority of the work on any of this.  I got to see kids create and collaborate to build the set, choose costumes (and many show make), focus lights, and put together this show.  If you want to see the epitome of collaboration, creativeness, and communication- visit a theatre.  If you ever go through a phase in life where you feel like there is no hope for the younger generation- that they don't work hard, that they can't make decisions, that they can't create- visit a technical theatre classroom.  These students aren't just simply handed a lecture or an assignment with all the steps…many times they have to figure out how to get to the end product.  (A great example is the year I said "here are the stairs and the platform and some chicken wire- Make a tree and when they asked how- I told them to figure it out and the did)
-One week ago- I didn't think this show could pull together (pretty typical in any theatre).  And then as I sat watching it I was almost emotional at what they had accomplished.
- Four years ago (some shorter, a few longer) my current Seniors entered the world of theatre as shy young freshman.  Looking back each at how far they have come in leadership qualities, how outgoing they have become, and all the growing up they have done is special.  And for a moment each show I am aware that much of that has evolved from being involved in theatre.  People always criticize that I have large cast musicals- but imagine some of those kids who have come so far how it would have been different if they had been cut that first time they tried.   Would they have still become the leaders and individuals they are now…maybe..but I believe theatre makes a difference.   I believe theatre helps them to be comfortable with themselves and others.   And I must say it helps them stay in school, stay out of trouble, and usually helps with grades (I check my kids' grades and at 9 weeks I checked 75 students grades and there was one F).  
Basically what I am saying is I have the most amazing and wonderful job in the world.  I can't imagine being in another job and can't even imagine teaching another subject.  I often get 3-4 years with my students and truly get to know them.  I am even lucky enough to stay in contact with many of them after they graduate.  I get to see at times the worst side of teenagers, but I also get the blessing of seeing their best sides many times.   I believe theatre and the arts are so important to education and it amazes me that more and more schools cut those areas.  If you want to see a student truly find them selves and strive for the best they can be get them involved in the arts.    
By the way I titled this post "see that  building" because it's the last song in the musical Working that we just finished.  It's about workers in every day jobs having something they can point to and be proud of.   The shows I put on (even when there are problems with them -hey it's an education level not a professional level) and the growth that I am lucky enough to see in the students- that's my building- that's what I get to point to and say I was a part of that.
(WOW I actually got a really nice connection with part of the show.  ha ha)

While I'm waiting!!

Sent my entrance fee in and now it's really a long waiting game.  Ok so I hope it's not to long.   In the meantime  I have started this week the most fabulous and amazing volunteer job.   

As many people know, I lucked into a great daycare for the kids as I've been doing foster care.  I really like the staff there and thankfully they seem to be ok with me.  :-)

After talking to the director last week, I found out I could volunteer there.   So this week I started volunteering.  I am going in twice a week for a couple of hours to hold babies.   Yes I am going to go volunteer holding babies.  It's like a dream volunteer job.   :-))

I started today and I love it.  For me holding babies and playing with kids is a stress reducer.    

Hopefully my adoption stuff will happen quickly, but for now this is fun and fills my wanting to be around little ones.  

Another step

Well my fingerprints FINALLY came back and so probably by the end of this week, I will be eligible to adopt.  Now if only there were birth mom's in the program.  :-(     I hope this doesn't end up being another two years down the road and still nothing happening.

This past weekend I went to the KC Rennaisance Fest ( a tradition I do every year with some of my friends).  It was a great trip, but the last two years I've had kids with me.  I kept remembering things that I did with the little girl I had last year so it kind of was sad.  

Today I got to hold a brand new baby girl --5 days old.  She was so adorable.  It was a former student's little girl.   There are so many babies being born in the last couple weeks.  Many of my former students are having babies.     I want a baby so bad.  I'm sure it will happen eventually.  Now I'm just in the long long long waiting game.

Unwelcome News

One of my biggest complaints about the foster care system is the lack of communication.   They are horrible communicators in many aspects, but the one that always bothers me the most is I never know what happens to the kids after they leave my house.  It would be nice to have an update on them.
Today was different.  Through emails of trying to figure out why the daycare didn't get paid, I was told the boys have already been moved from the home I took them to.   This saddens me so much.  while there were many problems they were good kids- just to much for me to handle alone.   I know there isn't anything I can do and I made the right decision, but it still very much weighs on my heart.   I hope they find a place that can keep them or they are removed from the system soon.   This is a different painful hurt then saying goodbye to the kids - I wonder if I could have done more, could have kept them----I did have them for 7 months.  If they don't have visitations they do really well.  It's sad the other family didn't give it some time, but hopefully they will find the right placement.   for now I'm going to be sad and think of them.

Enjoy the balloon pics from Colorado Springs yesterday.

My House smells fishy.

Ok so here it goes...something very hard for me to ask and discuss so I'm just going to dive in.  As you know adoption is expensive...Very expensive btw.   I grew up knowing not to ask for financial help and honestly really haven't most of my life.  Ok so there was this one time I ended up having walking pneumonia and my mother gave me the money to go to the doctor.   I think it was really cause she was tired of listening to me wine.  (btw - if you get walking pneumonia - rest a lot, which I did not).  And my parents and my awesomespectacular grandfather have helped me out here and there, but for the most part I'm pretty independent.  I believe it is my responsibility to pay for my life.  But as I said, adoption is very expensive and honestly I can't afford it.  People often say adoption is so expensive that many people don't do it...and I now know why.  Funds have to be there suddenly and while I can't wait to have a baby to bring home, I also am dreading that moment because I don't really know where I'm going to get that last big chunk of money...and I never thought I would be sharing financial stuff ever in my life with the general population.   I"m so embarressed.....

So I'm fundraising.  Please feel free to help out in any way you can.  One of the fundraisers almost anyone can do and it doesn't cost anyone anything.  So check out what I have going so far.  

Amazon - Lots of you use Amazon.com and as school is starting and Christmas approaches this is a great way to help out.  Click the highlighted word there or look to the Right of my blog for the link.  When you shop on amazon and you go through this link, I get a percentage of the sale.  It doesn't affect your pricing or what is available or anything, you just have to click through this site.  So if you use Amazon a lot, make a bookmark for this link on your computer.  Use it constantly.  Please.....

Jewelry- Take a look at my Etsy shop (also on the right side) or ask me to bring the jewelry I have- I have a lot I haven't put up yet and I can always pull something off if you want to get it in person - no shipping fees that way.

Both of these provide you a product of some sort.  However if you happen to come across oh say $100 bill or $5 and you think "wow I have nothing I want to spend this money on" (because this happens all the time I'm sure)...well then please consider donating to my Youcaring.com  fundraising site.   I feel really bad listing/asking for this type...but any help I get is extremely appreciated.

I will probably post the amazon one a lot on facebook...because it's easy and doesn't affect you any if you use it.   I feel a little...ok lot strange about just coming out and saying...help me- i'm to poor to pay for adoption fees.  Just as an FYI-  I do make enough to take care of a child (just not the large fees- which are ridiculous) and even if I have to put it all on credit cards I am going to do this adoption so please don't feel obligated to participate in any of the above-  well unless you are already ordering on Amazon.

Just as an FYI to brighten your life with things you don't care about- my house smells weirdly like fish....I don't live anywhere near fish....it's very fishy to me.