Baby J's blood gases came down this evening, but when she was moved around she had a hard time receiving. That was not fun to watch. They had to up her oxygen ALOT. She was more settled when I left. It was a pretty uneventful day. I met one of the doctors who said their big concern at this moment was trying to get her off the ventilator she is on and that they had to up it last night. It can do permanent damage, but she still needs it because her lungs are very sick. She also had to be put back under the blue light which isn't to big of a deal.
We are also having issues of getting her on insurance and getting a SS# but there are people working on it.
Frustrating event. Unlike what you hear about touch and talk to baby. At this stage when they are so tiny and sick- that's not allowed. The only time I get interaction with Baby J is when her temperature and diaper is changed so if I'm lucky and stick around all day there might be two opportunities. Tonight the night nurse didn't let me change the diaper she did it. I was kind of disappointed. Especially since bonding is a little harder for baby, she has this rag doll I hold to scent for her...but my scent doesn't mean anything to her. :-(
On another quick note. Even as short as 3 months ago, I was in a very dark place. I had a boss who was psychotic and taking it out on me, I was having my world ripped apart by decisions he was making, and nothing and no one seemed good to me. I was losing faith in everything around me, including the human race. In the past few days I have been totally proven wrong on that. I never expected or planned to accept a premature baby - in fact I specifically had it in my file to not even ask me about babies who will probably have long term problems - if known- because I didn't feel I was the right choice for those babies. But for whatever reason Baby J and I seemed pulled together and yes it comes with unexpected costs and feelings and everything else. The outpouring of prayers and help that I'm receiving not only restores a lot of faith I'd lost, but I am so grateful. It is extremely hard for me to ask for help or even prayers. I can't thank you all enough for being such an awesome support and showing your love and Baby J is very thankful too. I'm not sure where this will lead or how it will turn out, but I am truly grateful for everything.
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| Chilling out under the blue light...note she's sprawled out. |
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| aww. Don't get to see those eyes much cause they are covered to protect them. |
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| She really liked this position and remained calm most of the day! |
What beautiful little eyes. Prayers and hugs <3
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