And so it begins.....

So it really has come.  I have to share my baby.   B goes to stay his first weekend with his father.  It amazes me that the foster care system doesn't build up to extended stays, but as usual my opinion doesn't matter.   I started talking about it this mornign with the kids and I'm not sure how much they understood.   Life is going to rapidly start changing.   He's going to start being gone and then probably permantly and my schedule is changing with school back in.   This is going to be an interesting weekend.  I hope it goes well.
Yesterday the early education staff came to the house and both kids were the best they have been, absolutely no fits.  It was interesting to see.  They both almost acted like normal children.   To some length I'm happy about that, but in someway I wish they would have shown some of the challenges a little more.

School has started and life is much busier, I'm glad too.

Please, Thank you, and other manners

One of the things I try to do with my foster kids and well my school kids too, is to instill good manners.  This includes saying please and thank you.   G has refused to say please despite the fact I know she can.   It's almost as if she shuts down when you try to get her to say it.  Finally this past weekend though she started to use the word.  You have to remind her to say it, but she does.   She was already doing pretty well on using Thank you.  now we just have to get B to use it.
Today they had court and I guess it went odd.  their mom and family tried to get the court to move them out of here because "they get sick so much" - Not true they are in daycare so of course they are going to get sick.  B's dad is now going to get weekend visits every weekend.   And then a 30 day trial.  Yeah I don't think so.   That's not fair to me and not fair to G.   Either move him or don't.   I'm so frustrated over that.   I shouldn't have to put even more of my life on hold for a kid that isn't mine and because TFI is so dumb.  I don't think they really do anything for the kids sake.   And honestly if they are going to have extended visits then why does it always have to be the weekend?   Why not during the week- see if they can handle him while they work and stuff.   So stupid.   And to top it off this 30 day trial may mean I can't take other kids and they can just keep him at the end.  ridiculous.   And if he comes back, how is that helping G.  Their mom isn't keeping up on what she's supposed to be doing and I guess they threw a fit in court and almost got kicked out, blaming the situation on TFI and me.   Why do I put myself in all these frustrating situations.
Also I'm trying to redo my living room floor and that's ending in disaster.   Arg.  oh well.

Out of Control

Ok so I've lasted about as long as I can.  The little girl in my care is out of control and lately we seem to be getting worse.  Over the weekend she was ultra violent and threw tantrums like crazy.  She grabbed an empty pop can and threw it at my brother's face.  It was so bad that we went to my parents so there was so more buffer to take her attitude.  The little boy cried constantly and is throwing tantrums.

Little girl is whiney and acts like a high pitched dog.  She touches others inappropriately (rubs her face on them or her mouth- and my brother it falls on a very inappropriate place.)  If you say no to her or remove something from her she goes into a massive screaming and sometimes kicking fit.    The last few days have included throwing items.  She absolutely does not stop doing things when asked and will say no over and over when she is asked.   Part of the problem is she refuses to take naps and she still very much needs them.  On the rare time that she is normal she has started to ask a lot of questions about what things are and can even have normal conversations.

Little boy is affected with hand mouth and foot disease and was able to return to daycare even with a few spots, but now little girl can't go because of two spots.  arg.   He has been fussy and whiney and throws tantrums when looked at.

I am so frustrated with myself because they are getting to me so bad.  I don't know what to do with them.  I think maybe they need to be moved, but I don't want to be the start of many homes and they are so little.   It's amazing how much they need in the way of guidance.  I keep hoping going  back to work this week will help me some.   I don't like myself with them.   I need to do better about staying calm and working with their moods.  I'm also waiting till their first court date to see when happens with little boy and his parent.   I'm not sure they will be kept together, but only time will tell.

Our First Road Trip

This weekend I took B & G on our first road trip.  We traveled with my parents and my brother.  During the trip we visited Legoland and an aquarium.  Legoland did not go so well.  Babies were tired and really it was for older kids.   They both loved the aquarium.   Overall the weekend was ok.  G though was close to being thrown out on the way home.  Everyone tired of her behavior.   I wish I could figure out how to get her to take naps.  She becomes so intolerable when she doesn't have one.   I can't believe she didn't fall asleep on the road, but nope (didn't want to miss anything).   l know when she came there was no way we could have done this, but I'm not entirely sure she was ready now.   I do see some improvements, but boy do we have a ways to go.   I ended up putting them in daycare today for a break and to get back into our normal schedule.   

More Lies from the TFI

Last week I received word that my Great Uncle is not doing well at all and has been given limited time to live.  I grew up traveling to his house (Him and my aunt raised my cousin - their granddaughter).   I requested that the kids be able to travel out of state with me for a weekend so that I could go and visit them.  Apparently all the parents have to ok it.   B's dad said no.  That is extremely frustrating.  He doesn't want to have to worry about b on the road.  All the training says treat them like your own, take them on the trips. And then I get turned down.   So instead of going out of state, we are going to travel in state.  I don't have to have permission to do that.   And the funny thing is that we will actually be traveling the same distance/time - it will just be in state.   SO frustrating.

Bubble Wrap + Toddler = days of entertainment

Who knew that bubble wrap could be such a source of entertainment, but G has played with it for days.   Even focused on it for awhile which is a big thing for her.   The past week has improved dramatically.  I don't feel like I need to call and have the kids moved out of my house.   Last week I begged that they get G some help and I still believe that she desperately needs it.   The day after that things changed.  We started having good moments.  G started curling up in my lap in the evening for awhile - at first still unable to sit still and then for longer moments.  I've found that if I put B to bed and spend some time with G, things are better.   In the past couple of nights, bedtime has even been better.  She goes in and at least sits in the bed now for the most part.   Daycare has reported things are better there too.  She's finally attaching and realizing she's ok.
As far as the behavior overall, we do have some problems still.  Sunday was a long day and didn't go real well.  Overall though for longer periods of time, things are better.   I can not get her to say please though for the life of me.  It's interesting.
School is fast approaching and I'm not sure how that will go, but I'm ready to go back...sort of.
Here's a pic from the pool the other day.

I feel out of control

Sometimes I think this fostering idea is the biggest mistake of my life.   I don't seem to have any control over my own life anymore and worse sometimes I feel like I lose control of myself.   After 2 1/2 weeks things have not improved much with the little girl I have.  Her listening skills and ability to follow any instructions hasn't improved at all and my ability to handle it seems to be declining.  If she would just follow simple instructions life would be so much better.  I probably need to have them moved to another home, but then I feel bad for them and I feel like a complete failure.  There are such worse things she could be doing.  The little boy is a challenge at times, but overall is not to bad.
Today I saw into the system a little more when attending a case plan.  This case seems a little out of the ordinary.   The sad thing I figured out from the meeting is that more than likely the kids will be split up. I will be surprised if they are in my care much longer anyway.   I really need to figure out how I feel fostering and if it is something I want to continue.   I keep going back and forth in my thought pattern.   Here are a couple of pictures from the 4th.  They don't show faces so I figure it can't hurt anything.

 All worn out B can't even stay awake at fireworks. (we weren't' that far from them either)

 G watching fireworks (this was probably the only second she was sitting)

Pretty fireworks